It's been almost six months since we moved to the Treasure Valley. We have been blessed, richly, in so many ways. Let me give you some highlights...
#1 and #3 bring with them a plethora of emotions. Why, when I should be celebrating like it's Mardi Gras, am I in a pit? This pit is strange. In here I cannot connect thoughts to form decisions. I cannot will myself to be interested in things that I ought to be interested in. Things that I enjoyed a few weeks ago now seem dull and boring with no replacement in sight.
This faith journey is getting harder, folks. I expected it to get easier. I expected that ending Dempsey's treatment would alleviate some of the weight I've been carrying like a lousy ball and chain since he was diagnosed. It is getting hard to continually knock on doors only to not have them open. It is hard for me to invest deeply into a community that I am not sure I will remain a part of... not because I don't love these people but because I don't want to grieve friends and relationships. We don't have our current rental forever... probably not even for a full three months more. Yet, the Lord hasn't opened any employment doors so there is no way we will be in a home of our own by the time we need to move. I trust that the Lord and my husband have a plan... but not seeing how it will play out is hard.
Idahome is such a beautiful thing. It's full of faith, trials, provision, unearthing sin struggles, miracles, sanctification, love, loneliness, friendship... such a paradox. I don't regret this journey one bit! I just need people to know this faith journey is getting hard. This journey is messy. If you are interested in being messy with me please reach out and let me know. Social media doesn't have to know we've connected in the realm of messy... but I know there are many who are closet messy people in need of a safe place to acknowledge the mess. So, if you are currently messy and in the closet about it, please reach out and let me show you that you are valued, loved, and there is grace and acceptance to cover even the messiest of us.
Keep it real.